Calling all perfection seekers!
Perfection seeking as parents, as teachers, as humans, is the opposite of accepting.
When we seek perfection, we tend to be more judgmental towards others, even if we keep those judgments to ourselves. This includes JUDGING OUR KIDS and STUDENTS for expressing themselves, challenging us, and showing their emotions, especially when they trigger us.
Judgment is human. We can recognize judgment and then find acceptance.
For me, challenging behavior and big emotions has been a big trigger for me as a parent. For so long, I internalized “bad behavior” as a problem with me and something I was doing wrong. This stems from being controlled and not having my own emotions accepted as a child. It wasn’t safe to feel anger or sadness, so I detached from those emotions.
The truth is, our kids need our guidance sometimes, but mostly they need our acceptance of their emotional waves. They need to release and work through what they feel. They need us to let them process and not have us try to fix it.
This week practice:
- Notice when you are judging or trying to fix your child’s emotional expression.
- If you feel triggered by it, JUST BREATHE.
- As long as their emotional processing is safe, allow your child to ride the wave and feel what they are feeling.
- Notice how it all works out in the end.
- Your child might come and talk to you.
- Your child may just move on, no discussion necessary.
- Your child will likely feel safe expressing themselves freely.
In the classroom:
- Notice if you are using punitive or shameful language when a student expresses anger.
- Try to model healthy emotional regulation, breathing or taking space, for example.
- Set healthy boundaries, with kindness.
- “I see you are upset. I can’t let you yell at other people. You can take space to let out your feelings in a healthy way, and when you feel ready come back and we can talk.”
- Before you go to bed, bring to mind one thing that you love about your child or children.
- Try not to focus on behaviors or achievements, focus on what brings them joy and who they are.
- Tell your child what you love about them, who they are as a person.
Kind Mind has collaborated with Kamilah Majied to develop a Guided Audio Collection for classrooms, schools, and at home to promote self-awareness, compassion, and inclusion. This is powerful stuff and very easily built into a daily routine (listen while driving, cooking, relaxing, need a healthy break from teaching).