Letting Go

Last week was all about perfection and noticing if our motivation behind something being different (aka “better”) is a result of our conditioning toward perfection-seeking, or is motivated by our true values.  This week, let’s think about this in real life and find ways to re-condition ourselves toward the art of letting go. 

Letting Go 

Here’s a good example:

Having a spotless house/classroom where the kids pick up their toys every night. 

Do I WANT this? 

• Yes

Do I feel more SETTLED when things are tidy?

• Yes

Do I  feel PROUD  and like I am doing a good job as a mother when the kids clean up after themselves? 

• Yes

And yet, these feelings and desires stem from conditioning toward perfection, not my real core values. There is a delicate balance between expectations and being flexible when it comes to life, especially when it comes to parenting, teaching, and guiding children. 

Okay, so what are my values when it comes to this example? 

1. I want to feel connected, patient, and present with my kids. 

                   This requires letting go of a tidy house most of the time.

      2. Raising children who are kind, helpful, and respectful….AND who have permission to be too tired

          sometimes after a long day. 

                   Do I expect my kids to pick up after themselves and help with chores most days? Yes. 

                  Do I recognize that they are working really hard? And do I also recognize this

                   is similar to the days I feel too tired to cook dinner and we just order pizza?

                   Yes. 

This is hard work. Here are some tips that hopefully make this big shift a little easier on you. 

1. First, make time to listen to children (your own or your students) when they are resisting. Their sharing will help you connect and determine if they really are exhausted, or if they are just trying to skirt an obligation because they don’t feel like it. 
2. Second, see if you can find a compromise based on your VALUES, not an idea of what is expected. For example, let go of doing the dishes tonight, but in the morning after some rest we will do them together. 

This week, let’s practice checking in with our internal compass when we feel agitated by something like tidiness, or our kids or students not “behaving” the way we want them to. Let go where you can.  Find compromise. Sit with discomfort. This helps us build resilience!