Connection Over Perfection

I read this article about Ditching Behavior Charts, and it really spoke to me. We tend to use rewards and punishments to motivate behavior change in kids. When I really stop and think about why, it seems to stem from an urge to control and conform, rather than helping children develop real skills that will support healthy emotional balance and regulation. This is something we have to learn as adults first. This week, we dive into the power of connection in building a strong foundation of social-emotional learning.

Connection Over Perfection

Let’s talk about what this can look like at school, especially for teachers. There are A LOT of outside pressures for teachers to be productive and efficient, and this pressure is felt by the students. Shifting this culture of focus is not going to be easy, but is well worth the effort when we think about social-emotional learning.

So how do we reign in challenging behaviors and set clear boundaries, while also encouraging children to share their voices and be themselves? For me, it is all about a deeper connection and empathy with the child, IN THEIR MOMENT of challenge. When I can access awareness over my own attention, rather than being reactive, I can then prioritize connection with the child is experiencing. From there, the next steps feel natural. I can listen without judgment, I can hear their perspective. The child then feels seen and heard and is more likely to listen to my response and/or boundary in a respectful way. We can then come to an agreement, together.

This becomes a natural process when we (adults, parents, and teachers) nurture SEL within ourselves first. This is one of my primary goals with our program and is wrapped into everything we do with teachers and students.

I want to recognize that in order to implement this kind of individualized connection in a classroom full of children, especially with the current mental health crisis our teachers face, requires A LOT more time and space in the school day. I also believe that this is a critical piece of building long-lasting social-emotional skills. SEL is not about a single lesson or activity, it is about constant practice and having the SPACE and FREEDOM to implement and nurture each child.